Sunday 12 February 2012

Advice is like buses...

...I have had a fantastic week. I really took on board my desire to think more positively about everything, have eaten healthily and exercised and I feel calm. Yep, I definately feel calm. It's a good (unfamiliar) feeling...

The last thing I expected to be musing positively upon today is the good advice of others. Generally, over the last few years I have found advice from friends and family falls loosely into one of two categories: insensitive, clumsy and trite or irritatingly-not-quite-ready-to-hear accurate. I am unsure which has grieved me most simply because most forms of advice from friends and loved ones is well meant. Now don't get me wrong; I understand that I have probably been over-emotional and over-sensitive at times and even the most well meaning of advice givers has reduced me to tears or had my blood boiling at some point. Sometimes, I just want to talk. Or moan. Or rant. I don't want to be 'calmed down' or 'placated' because I'm too angry to be anything else!

Sooo.... breathe.... This now brings me to the discussion of some fabulous advice - advice that is probably obvious to some but in any case, advice worth thinking about:

You may not have the life you wanted, but your life will still be wonderful - My very good friend said this to me a few months ago. When she said it, as we were on the school run one morning, I was in a dismal mood, very miserable and tearful. I didn't really consider her words until later, refusing in part I imagine, to think positively about my situation. The intelligence and sensitivity behind her words did eventually become clear though and it is something I now know will definately be the case for my family. No, this isn't what we planned - we have been waiting to meet baby number 2 for so many years now that the hard fact that this won't be the case for us (well, not with my geriatric eggs anyway) is tough to swallow. But we are healthy and happy and there's a lot of love in our house...

Don't dwell on what you don't have, it is how it is so find the positives - Now, on a bad day this particular piece of advice, delivered by another good friend who is a self-proclaimed black or whiter, would have floored me. Last night though, she couldn't have made more sense - it was utterly timely as she remarked that she can see I'm starting to wade through my feelings. I struggle with finding the positives generally - I feel much more comfortable with 'angry' or 'sad' and I have had a lot of practice with both! But now, I can see that the absolutely only way forward - regardless of what decision DH and I come to - is to accept my situation for what it is and believe that it will all work out exactly how it is meant to work out. The anger needs to stop because it leads to feeling hopeless and I am not hope-less...

DS is utterly unique, there will never be another you and DH creation so cherish him - And I do. Every single day. I think I probably drive him a bit mad - the rolling of his eyes as he sees mummy lunging forward for another kiss never fails to amuse me.... Two of my friends have made this observation and they are absolutely right. My aim is not to allow this situation to roll on for another few years - I would hate for DS to grow up and think that he wasn't enough for us or feel cheated that his mum spent most of his childhood grieving for a second child...

And lastly....

Time is a wonderful healer - Nobody gave me this advice, it's my advice to me. A massive cliche'? Yup. But oh so true too....

No comments:

Post a Comment